These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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