Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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