So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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