am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
