sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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