I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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