How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
