sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
