I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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