dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
