I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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