theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
