I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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