I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
