she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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