I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
