the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
high people should be assigned attendants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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