is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
