Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
