She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
