I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
