I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
