What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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