I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
