apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
