Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
