Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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