best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
