So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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