Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
