Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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