we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't turn off my feet"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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