I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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