So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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