I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
