Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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