smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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