can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
