The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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