If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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