I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
