my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
