I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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