the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
