Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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