So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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