her vagine was all disorganized.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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