why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
