forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
