Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
