I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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