I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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