Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
