Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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