She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize