chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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