just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
