GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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