well you can't waste a boner
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
