you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
