How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
