hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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