WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
