Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
