god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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