You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
