I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
