Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
