Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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