Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
