Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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