Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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