when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
